Mmmhm

Today, friends, I am sitting before my computer, having just completed a long--but full--day of work. With the heater blasting in an attempt to counteract the dreary gray sky that lurks outside my window, I'm curled up in a robe, sucking on milk chocolate and waiting for my coffee to heat up again.

Teaching is hard work. But it's wonderful.

Sometimes, at the end of a day I will drudge my heavy feet home and sulk in the basement, staring at the ceiling while I press myself deeper into my sheets and trying to pretend the day didn't happen. Trying to talk myself out of spending the months till May, cooped up in the wilderness and leering at the stars.

Other days, I linger behind in my classroom, staring at the whiteboard on which I had scrawled the day's assignments and willing myself to erase the words--to end the day and begin another.

Still others, I hesitate: leave the agenda on the board a little longer because today--today, unlike yesterday and most likely unlike tomorrow--was a Good day.

The kind of day where a student irks me because he forgot to turn in his homework, then blesses me because he answered a question with care.
The kind of day where the Struggler squinted at the board while the rest of the class sludged in their chairs--and then, wide-eyed, the wondered "OH!" catches her classmates unawares.
And the classmate who responds to her Understanding with a smile
Still later, the parent who grins, shakes surprised finger in the air, and says "I KNEW my son had it in there--Somewhere."

Knowing, through all of the light and the soft touches and the minute glimmers of clarity in the fog--Knowing that tomorrow, that same student will scowl at another assignment, that same parent will demand answers for slipping grades, that same classmate will tweak an ear, pull the hair, shame the name of that Struggler.

Knowing through it all that today--even if it's the One out of days, out of weeks, out of Months of wrestling with, scolding, desperately throwing my hands up at, and heart sinking because of these students. Even if its just the One. It's worth it.

Because she said "I understand."
Because he took the time
Because the parent let it slip
Because the peer gave the sign

That today: Today, I know why I
am
Here.