Smells like lemon

Not sure why furniture cleaning companies think "Lemon" should be the standard scent. I'd rather it be ... Lavender. Or... "Bubble"... I think a Bubble smells like spring just as much as any lemon.

So I was on a huge trip this weekend but I was afraid to bog you all down with stories from it at once--mostly because I knew you'd never remember it--so I'll just slip them in every now and then. I'm thinking of one event in particular that might tickle your bones.

Ahem.

We're in the air over LAX, commencing the 50minute flight to Fresno. Ten minutes into the flight, the plane shudders a little and we hear a "BOOM."

Noooo, way, says my brain.

[chhhht]: "This is your Captain speaking." (in a very soothing purr) "It seems something has fallen off our plane. It may be related to the pressurizer."

(he doesn't know??)

"We're not yet in an emergency situation but we've been asked to return to L.A. so we can sort this out. Thank you for flying American Eagle and have a pleasant trip."

(I had always suspected it was a tagline but now I know. And I'm pretty sure that announcing the disintegration of the craft that's keeping us aloft is against protocol.)

So we return to L.A. but since they haven't planned on an additional plane landing ten minutes after it had just taken off, we circle--I repeat CIRCLE--the runway waiting for clearance to land. Meanwhile, we're thinking, "So.... is anything else going to fall out of the plane? My luggage? The pilot? the doors? Me?"

Finally, we land. And sit there while someone tinkers on the body of the plane. 

[imagined dialogue:

"eh, Bill, this here thing's missing from this here place."

>Snort<

"Ya, Stan, I see that. Lemme look around here.... Yep! Gotta spare."

>tools rustling around<

"Ehh... Stan, you got one-a those dinker things?"

>sniff<

"Nope."

"Eh... How can we get it back onto the plane?"

>sniff. Scratch<

"Glue, Bill. We use Glue."

>ten minutes later<

"Yea, Bill that'll work reeeal nice. Looks good as new. Now blow on it and see if it sticks."

>long blowing sound<

"You gotta blow harder, Bill, otherwise we won't get a fair test."

>harder blowing and loud panting followed by harder blowing<

>hesitation<

>sound of large part clanking to the floor<

"Welp. Better get another boat."

the end.]

I blink and they're ushering us out--what, half hour later?--promising free cocktails and a new craft.

I was not in the mood. Once situated on the new plane, I asked for milk and two chocolate chip cookies. 

The steward blinked, and I could almost hear the wheels of his cart squeaking uneasily. 

While everyone else got drunk on free liqueur, I drowned my annoyance in a freshly microwave-d chocolate chip cookie and day-old milk.