My own version of a Fail Blog.

Apparently I am not meant to reside within a room that contains a stove, an oven, or a spatula.

Apparently, to "season" chicken does not mean to; throw garlic powder and black pepper (a futile substitute for 'garlic pepper') into a hot pan, toss pre-microwaved chicken into the pan (due to my impatient attempt to 'thaw' the frozen meat), and proceed to pour oil over the whole concoction in hopes that some of the flavor sizzling against the pan will

"stick."

Apparently, flour does have a purpose in the baking process.

Note: this was supposed to look like a brownie and instead, as I later whined to an amused telephone-Zak, it came out looking like a "Bruised omelet." Tasted like a really sugary, spongy omelet.

I forgot 1. A cup of flour. 2. half a cup of brown sugar.
I put in: 1. 2tbsp of flour. 2. 1 cup of brown sugar.

AND, when the recipe called for "1 egg and 1 egg yolk," I cracked open the first egg, thought for a moment, deemed the recipe-writers persnickety, and cracked and poured the whole of the second egg into the concoction.

Apparently, when Zak's sister advised me to "sprinkle white sugar" on the vegetables for my dinner tonight, she didn't mean for me to pour three cups of sugar over the still-frozen vegetables, letting the sugar mix with the melting water to form a crystallized substance over the die-cut carrots and limp green peppers.

Apparently.

You'd think I'd know these things. At least I didn't follow my second instinct and try to follow up the white sugar with brown sugar because "I like the way brown sugar tastes."

Good Lord. Seriously, Good Lord, Kellie.

Needless to say, I ended up with syruped vegetables, garlic squish (failed chicken), and a carmellized omelet.

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In other news, I made a splendid lemonade concoction out of the frozen concentrate and four cups of poisoned Hume water.

Cheers